A long time ago, when I was reckless and young, I had an affair with my ballet teacher. Her boyfriend of 18 years—at the time they'd been together longer than I'd been alive— was clearly gay. (He was a stylist and Sunday tea party enthusiast.) His gayness didn't prevent him from wanting to kick my ass, however, so some of the affair was conducted at Jerry's, a Soho restaurant right next to the Apple Store, although before the Apple Store existed. Jerry's had okay oatmeal, a good burger and, most importantly, capacious single person bathrooms. And now, as gossip auntie Ben Widdicombe tells us, Jerry's is closing for good come Sunday. A Michael Kors store will open up in its place. Of course it will.