There are perhaps no harder Monday mornings than the ones of mid-to-late August, when we all know we're showing up for work weeks where nothing interesting can possibly happen. Distract yourself from the drudgery with the weekend box office numbers, then put your head down and nap until Friday afternoon:
1. Rush Hour 3—$50.237 million
Indeed, $50 million is a lot of money, but given that both The Simpsons Movie and The Bourne Ultimatum went over $70 million the past two weekends—and that Rush Hour 2 earned $67 million back in 2001—one has no choice but to consider this result disappointing™. (There's no pleasing us, is there?) But because we're nothing if not optimists, we've already found a ray of sunshine punching through the patchy gloom of this partly cloudy morning:
Maybe this box office setback will inspire misunderstood cinematic wunderkind Brett Ratner to abandon this artistically empty phase of his career and get started on the difficult process of directing the Oscar film he puts off every time he cashes another eight-figure paycheck to helm a popcorn flick that squanders his considerable skills. We know he's got it in him.
2. The Bourne Ultimatum—$33.672 million
After watching his winning appearance on The Daily Show last week, we have decided to unilaterally declare Matt Damon the Most Likable Movie Star in the World. Later this afternoon, we'll be celebrating his induction as the first member of our new Hollywood Walk of Nice by drawing Damon's likeness in brightly colored chalk on a dirty slab of sidewalk outside of Defamer HQ. Also, milk and cookies will be served.
3. The Simpson Movie—$11.125 million
Not that Fox shoveling a couple of more piles of cash into their vault gives us any joy, but it's still nice to see that a movie we loved is putting up some impressive numbers.
4. Stardust—$9.011 million
We blame the reviewer who described Stardust as "Shrek for grown-ups" for the movie's stillborn debut. How else to explain the failure of a De Niro/Pfeiffer/Danes/Miller/Charlie Cox vehicle?
10. Daddy Day Camp—$3.550 million
We blame whomever first mouthed the words "Daddy Day Camp" in the development meeting for a Daddy Day Care sequel for the movie's stillborn debut. It never really stood a chance once that concept was set in place.