• Jack Nicholson has to continually drink water in order to swallow anything, because his salivary glands have stopped working. [Page Six]
  
• Laura Bush on daughter Jenna's now-fiance in 2005: "This is not a serious boyfriend — I hate to have to be the one to say it on television. But he's a very nice young man." [Wonkette]
  
• ""I've heard pregnancy was hard, but Nicole's making it so easy," [Joel] Madden told Village Pourhouse owner Michael Sinensky after deejaying the club's first-anniversary party. [R&M, second item]

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