Jack Heads North

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In today's episode: Jack Nicholson; Patrick Swayze and Heath Ledger; Jake Gyllenhaal; Keanu Reeves; Halle Berry; Paul Rudd; Thomas Haden Church; Helen Hunt; Linda Hamilton; Jemaine Clement; Michelle Rodriguez; Eric Dane; Hanson and Frankie Muniz; Dylan McDermott; Dita Von Teese and Ashley Hamilton; Wood Harris and Gloria Alred.

· 8/15. 2ish. Jack Nicholson. On Coldwater Cyn. Driving North. Why, in this heat would anyone be driving into the 818? But if Jack can do it, I sure can. But I was driving South and almost crashed into the church when I saw him in his hip ass convertible silver car. Didn't catch the model and make because he looked so cool in his sunglasses and aforementioned car. He is so cool that he may not have melted today in the 818...

· heath ledger was blonde and ponytailed at the spindrift show on 6th street tuesday night. whatever... he was unobtrusive and acted like a normal person, blah, blah, blah, but who cares about boring heath ledger when patrick fucking swayze shows up in pink pants a black and white tiger-print seventies-collared shirt and a platinum blond mullet of a wig? (a costume probably? he was filming next door.) anyway, he couldn't have been cooler, laughing and posing for pictures and signing autographs and doing a couple dirty dancing wiggles and a roadhouse kick for the ladies. then he waved and disappeared like a some kind of magical leprechaun who'd given us a pot of awesomeness. fuck yeah, patrick swayze. you rule!

· Aug 16 Hey, so my friend and I were enjoying the tasty delights of Loteria! (I can't figure out how to make my keyboard do the upside-down exclamation point) in the Farmer's Market and who should ALSO decide to partake but Heath Ledger, soon to be AKA The Joker, along with some pals and dragging a sleeping infant which assumedly was his. Dude was approximately 7 feet tall and in regulation gear (torn jeans, cool-guy shirt, bed-head), looking Lurch-like yet handsome. After lunch he proceeded to spend an inordinate amount of time in the sticker store next door.

· I know this is late but I was out of the country. I saw the gorgeous and talented Jake Gyllenhaal at the Academy's Samuel Goldwyn theater on Saturday August 4th for The Bourne Ultimatum screening. He had on a baseball cap, flannel shirt and jeans. He looked yummy and tried to be inconspicuous. He was met by a cute blonde. He stayed to the end of the credits as protocol requires at the Academy. Go Jake!

· Tuesday 8/14—Keanu Reeves on the corner of Sunset and Vine, heading towards Magnolia or Bowery Bar. He was graciously having his picture taken with squealing tourists, while wearing his official uniform of ill-fitting black blazer, scruffy beard, and motorcycle helmet.

I saw Halle Berry today (Aug 14) with her tall, gorgeous, hunk of boy toy boyfriend. They came into Pink Taco at Century City mall for lunch around 1:30pm. He was in jeans, a white t-shirt, baseball hat and very scruffy unkempt, unshaven look.

She looked gorgeous, long hair and in a deep brown baby doll top which made her look preggers. My friend and I both said at the same time, "Halle Berry! Is she preggers?" jinx

No one in the restaurant seemed to recognize them or even look up. They were escorted to a booth in the far back corner and had a quiet lunch.

· finally made it to Mozza last week, 8/8. saw PAUL RUDD with his wife, and another couple. we were waiting at the front for our table when they walked in. they also had to wait, but were very cool about it. no drama, no hollywood hissy fits. his wife is pretty, but sort of plain, in a mid-western/girl-next-door way. always liked him. like him even more now, knowing he likes 'regular' girls.

· Hi guys, 8/12 saw Thomas Haden Church at the Good Earth in Studio City. Wearing a light blue denim shirt which men with blue eyes should always wear. Dude is BIG - tall and built. He could use Tobey Maguire as a tooth pick. Nice deep rumbly voice, too. Was alone, looked like he was going to grab a bite and read the paper.

· Spotted: Helen Hunt, crossing Arizona St. in Santa Monica at about 8pm with a tall blond man (her husband?) on Wednesday, August 15th. She was wearing sandals, loose pants, and a sweater over a tank top. She looked too thin, with sunken-in cheeks. Oy! I remarked to my boyfriend, "Forget the homeless people in Santa Monica...somebody get HER a sandwich!"

· Thursday, 8/9 10pm - Stopped in to the 7-11 on Santa Monica Blvd/Overland the same time Linda Hamilton walked in. Wearing dark leggings and a cream colored zip up, no makeup, hair pulled back, over thin and over blonde, but didn't look too bad for being 50. She was chatty with the clerk and the guy next to her in line. Seemed fairly normal and nice.

· Gelson's in WeHo is celeb sighting central. In the past I've seen Amanda Bynes (at the salad bar, barely helped herself to anything), Macaulay Culkin (several times, one time walking home with bags) and now, two days ago (Aug 13) - JEMAINE CLEMENT, of "Flight of the Conchords"! I actually don't watch the show but hear it's hilarious. Mostly I just dig that guy's accent and look, very unique. Jemaine was using the ATM near the booze section. I'm telling you, if you have out of town guests who are dying to spot someone famous, the WeHo Gelson's is just the ticket.

· Friday, Aug. 10: Saw Michelle Rodriguez at Dominick's on Beverley, with a male companion. She looked put-together and was very low-key, except for her distinctive laugh and the fact that she looks like she could kick your ass without much trouble, even while smiling. Also, girl is definitely not concerned about the tendency of low rise jeans to create a plumber's crack situation while sitting on a bar stool. Whatever, my view could have been much, much worse.

· The garden at the Chateau, Thursday night. Across the patio sat Eric Dane, with what looked like business associates, including a Zaftig blonde in too tight clothes and a Gay suit. Rachael "raisen-face" Zoe held court at a center table doing her wrinkles no service with the endless ciggies and scowls.

· Aug 15: I am at the Hanson show (don't ask) at the viper room. At eleven (their supposed set time) the opening band was just going on stage. Pissed, I walk out to buy cigarettes at the liquor store two doors west, where low and behold Hanson is PRACTICING in a corner. The best part of this sad little story? Little Frankie Muniz is hanging out with them, sporting an equally small mohawk and a goatee.

· Saw ex-Practice star Dylan McDermott arriving at LAX Saturday morning (August 11) looking hot as hell in jeans and a button up shirt. He was wearing sunglasses of course (might as well have written I'M SOMEBODY on his forehead)....but he still looked damn good! Isn't he in his forties? Wow. Even cuter, he ended up standing behind me in the security checkpoint for Southwest Airlines! I guess he doesn't mind saving a buck or two - or going sans first class. He was with his adorable daughter and he had no problem carrying her pink roller suitcase. He was super sweet, acting enthusiastic about her fascination with airport security.

· Aug 15 Patio of the Chateau. Dita Von Teese out for a night with the girls. And, wow, while Ms. Teese looked amazing with ivory skin that glowed, perfect hair and a demure, yet sexy outfit, her five "girls" were kinda' plain, looking like mid-market Sherman Oaks wives at best. Little style and ver vanilla. Completely shattered by fantasy. Shouldn't she be surrounded by a pack of adoring Suicide Girls at all times? Also in the garden, a more than grown-up Ashley Hamilton, looking kinda' like John Taylor with tattoo sleeves. Ash, of course, paid his respects to Dita, but left alone five minutes later.

· Thursday, August 16, 10:50 pm Wood Harris at the 7-11 on Sunset and La Brea, buying Smart Water and Vitamin Water. Friendly and down-to-earth. He could've retired after Above the Rim and still been a legend: "I'm a mothafucking soldier!"

· I spotted uber lawyer Gloria Alred in line at the Fox Sponsored Boston Legal Panel at the Writer's Guild Theater on August 14. She looked great in a pink suit. The best part? She was waiting patiently in the long line with all of us commoners!