Take a moment to sympathize for the real victims of the current financial mess:

The credit-market freeze that's paralyzing leveraged buyouts, mergers and myriad computer-driven trading strategies may cut Wall Street bonuses for the first time in five years.... Bonuses, the financial industry's annual rite of compensation typically calculated as a multiple of salary, probably will decline as much as 5 percent from 2006, according to Options Group, which tracks pay and hiring trends.

That means even those poor suckers who make the paltry average bonus of $220,650 will take home a shocking eleven grand less! It's even worse for hedge fund investment managers, who could see a ten percent decline in the wad of cash they get for moving numbers around. Also among the hardest hit: Whoever makes those giant bows that rich fuckers use to put on the Lexuses they give to their trophy wives for Christmas. This is an actual tragedy we're talking about here, people.