We knew you people were sluts, but we had no idea just exactly how slutty you actually were. Barr Pharmaceuticals has announced that Plan B, the morning-after instabortion pill for ladies who are easy or drunk enough to buy the "shooting blanks" line, is selling far beyond their wildest dreams. They project $80 million in sales for 2007, double what they did last year. While we're thrilled with the drug industry for removing a woman's last possible excuse for making men wear a condom, we are disappointed with the news industry, especially the New York Post, which headlined the A.P. dispatch on the subject with a wan "'Morning After' Boom." As is the custom around here, we'll provide a few alternate headlines and then we'll sit back and let you do a better job of it.

Our suggestions:

  • Drug Co. Makes Plenty of "Loose" Change
  • Baby Non-Board
  • "Splooge" Increase In Pill Profits
  • Big Biz Stops Jizz
  • Pill Busts Pharma Co.'s Nut

Fire away!