Pill Sales Seemin' Unstoppable

We knew you people were sluts, but we had no idea just exactly how slutty you actually were. Barr Pharmaceuticals has announced that Plan B, the morning-after instabortion pill for ladies who are easy or drunk enough to buy the "shooting blanks" line, is selling far beyond their wildest dreams. They project $80 million in sales for 2007, double what they did last year. While we're thrilled with the drug industry for removing a woman's last possible excuse for making men wear a condom, we are disappointed with the news industry, especially the New York Post, which headlined the A.P. dispatch on the subject with a wan "'Morning After' Boom." As is the custom around here, we'll provide a few alternate headlines and then we'll sit back and let you do a better job of it.

Our suggestions:

  • Drug Co. Makes Plenty of "Loose" Change
  • Baby Non-Board
  • "Splooge" Increase In Pill Profits
  • Big Biz Stops Jizz
  • Pill Busts Pharma Co.'s Nut

  • Fire away!