You Are Not As Helpful As These Commenters

Some commenters are just so gosh-darn helpful in relaying the kind of information that we absolutely need to know to, as they say, move the story forward, that they deserve an award: the Helpful Critter award. Oh, and while we're at it, we've decided to execute people whose comments this week make them decidedly Unhelpful Critters. Go back from whence you came!

  • The ever-reliable Mediahohoho offered some inside baseball knowledge about business-side goings-on at Conde Nast, with regards to Portfolio's current woes:
    Also, there was the asshatted way that Conde ramped up the publishing side, shifting Carey from the New Yorker, Lou Cona and his team from Vanity Fair to the New Yorker, and throwing Alan Katz and his management team at the New Yorker Cargo into the lion's den that is anything to do with Graydon Carter. Without warning.

    So...the New Yorker gets set back a bit. Graydon gets to prove what a syphilitic dick he is by having Katz, a decent guy to anyone who knows him and by implying in house organ WWD that he wasn't smart enough to hang. But really? Vanity Fair? Has anyone read that piece of shit in years? Why?
    Then the truly short bus retards who come in from American Media, of all places, take Cargo, which was on a upward trend, and fly it straight into the ground.
    All for the sake of a new business magazine that resembles nothing so much as Forbes. It's not even fair to compare it to Fortune, because Fortune has been around for 77 years and does everything Portfolio does a hundred times better.
    At the end of the day, it all becomes an after-school special of a life's lesson, which is, don't go to work for Si on a men's title because you'll end up unemployed. Also, when Si's dawdling at the end of the Sushi line acting all humble? You had better invite him to take your place in line.

  • Catfish_Jones provided some context for why the New Republic might be hurting in the ad department:
    Magazines of political opinion, supposed to be either of the left or right, traditionally have a hell of a time getting ads unless they're placed by people who agree 100% with the mag's editorial stand. The more predictable the mag's stand, the better chance it has of getting ads, even if they are just a handful. The same owners of obscure businesses in flyover country have advertised in John Birch Society publications for decades; on the opposite end of the spectrum The Nation has the same advertisers year in and year out. The worst thing a magazine can do, when it comes to seeking ads, is have completely wobbly political content but still be branded as being of a particular ideology. This is The New Republic's problem. It's still called a neolib journal but since CanWest got hold of it, its content has veered from things that could almost have run in In These Times to others that could just about fit in The American Conservative (and hey, is that still being published?). Maybe what CanWest should do is replace Frank Foer with Tom Frank. That way they could at least get ads from hat manufacturers, given that Tom is rarely seen outside his house minus one or another lid from his fedora collection.
  • Werewolf let us know that if Katie Couric really thinks her man is smart, then she is dumb:
    Went to high school with Brooks Perlin. His nickname was Woody, as in the dumb, blonde Woody on Cheers. So let's be clear that in no way is she dating him for his "intellect".
  • Commenter MauraKelly weighed in on our epic Glaring Omission from last week, bolstering our anonymous NYU student's account of her wild, yet ultimately unconsummated, evening with Daddy Day Care star Cuba Gooding Jr.:
    I will validate that girl's story. Cuba is a dog!

    I used to live in LA and a couple of girlfriends and I would hang out at this bar in Westwood every Sunday night. Well, we wound up becoming drinking buddies with these guys who played, and I'm not kidding, non-contact hockey. Anyways, Jerry Bruckheimer and Cuba used to drink with them. In a drunken stooper I went up to Cuba and asked him for his autograph on a napkin (super classy by the way).

    He smiled and asked who he should make it out to. When I said "Day'ja" he looked me up and down again and I said, "Oh no, it's not for me. It's for one of the kindergarners I teach. She loved 'Snowdogs'." He almost fell over. He invites me out to his car to get a headshot of himself. (The guy carries them around in the pocket behind the drivers seat.) I grabbed a friend and we headed out the back to his Cadillac Escalade.

    He keeps trying to get us to get into the car with him. All the while, he keeps bumping up against me as he's close-talking. He starts asking our names and what we like to do for fun. We give him fake names and he starts asking if we do everything together. I ask him how his wife & kids like him boozing on Sunday nights, grab my friend's hand and drag her back inside.

    Saying it loud and proud: I too, did not sleep with Cuba Gooding, Jr. (plus he smells like BO)

  • Commenter Katklaw made us scared for Philadelphia writer and flasher Larry Richette's neighbors, and really, the entire city:
    Okay, I probably shouldnt admit this, buuuut. This guy lives about a half block from me and I have seen the interactions with his mom many times, they are always with the craziness like this. Plus, she somehow gets mugged like once a year. Usually by non-family members. Oh, so proud of this fine city and the national representatives like Larry.
  • Finally, SlightlyLessDeliciousNoise offered useful advice for those considering pursuing a bulimic lifestyle:
    lunchables come up much faster than traditional processed meats and cheeses. In fact, they even have great bidirectional flavor!

    On that note, let's move along to our most unhelpfullest critter this week, Harry_Greek, who seemed to take great pride in making comments that seemed like they would be more at home at a frat party. This isn't your frat house, Harry_Greek! Go back to Penn State.

    Earlier: Some Commenters Are More Helpful Than Others