The date: August 21st
The place: 1011 3rd Ave.
Sighted: Saw Bill Clinton yesterday at Dylan's Candy Bar. Dylan was also present and looking rather preppy (duh). Bill was rocking a "Hillary in '08" button on his lapel. Very friendly and taking lots of pictures with the ladies.
Even people who despise Hillary Clinton acknowledge that she's one sharp lady. A lady who may soon become our first female President. Unless, of course, Bill's channel surfing, catches one of those amazing Viva Viagra spots, gets to thinking about the good old days and does something that derails the whole damned thing.
For this reason, one might think that a sighting like this, Bill spending a hot summer day in a candy store, the scent of sticky caramel and melting chocolate wafting through the air as hungry women cling to him under the guise of posing for photos, might be something Hillary would frown upon.
But thinking that would be underestimating Hillary. Because she knows better than anyone that Bill's magnetic penis is not a liability; it's just a double-edged sword. Say what you will about the guy, the ladies love him, more than they love her, in fact. So, the most interesting question of the 2008 election becomes; Can Hillary keep Bill Clinton from groping, fondling or oral sexing anyone until after November 4, 2008?
Some will argue here that after the impeachment and humiliation Bill has learned his lesson and would never risk doing something like that with so much on the line. To these people I would say Steve Swindal. Steinbrenner's son-in-law was, at most, five years from taking over the whole Yankees' franchise and he couldn't manage not to cheat on the Boss's daughter. Dumb!
Oh, and also I would say Bill Clinton, who couldn't keep it in his pants for his whole presidency.
But now that he's slimmed down and his wife is getting all the attention there's not a chance he doesn't feel like going on the prowl for someone who will kneel down and reaffirm his man-ness.
Which is why it is probable that our tipster simply failed to notice the tranquilizer-armed guards dressed as homeless people positioned outside the front door of Dylan's in case one of the women dripped some chocolate on Bill's button-down and offered to clean it for him back at her place. And that's why I'm probably voting for Hillary Clinton maybe.
If she can keep Bill Clinton in line for the length of her campaign, then fixing Iraq, protecting us from terrorists, stopping global warming, dealing with North Korea, making it so my health insurance company stops screwing me and rebuilding stuff so pigeon poop-laden bridges don't collapse and streets explode less often shouldn't be anything she can't handle.