'OK!' Dumps The Birkheads Due To Vague — But Damning! — Scandal

Those tender-hearted moralists at OK! magazine — who wrestled publicly with whether or not to print the pictures from its excrement-crusted Britney Spears shoot — are at it again: They now say they are dropping their planned exclusive coverage of Dannielynn on her first birthday. Since this can't possibly have anything to do with the glut of father-daughter pictures we just saw in Us Weekly, there must be some other, far more scandalous explanation—and there is! Please ready yourselves for earth-rending allegations that, unfortunately, can only be discussed with tantalizing vagueness:

American magazine OK! has made the shock decision to drop Anna Nicole's ex Larry Birkhead from a $US1.7 million deal, alleging he has "tricked us all".
The magazine has not revealed the exact reason for the decision, however it is reported to be based on rumours Birkhead struck a "backroom deal" with Howard K Stern, his supposed long-standing rival.

The magazine's publicist said: "OK! Magazine has uncovered explosive allegations regarding Larry Birkhead, Howard K. Stern and baby Danielynn [...] The newly obtained allegations are detailed, shocking and potentially incriminating. It makes it impossible for OK!, in good conscience, to promote this family's highly questionable relationship in our pages." [...]

OK's American editor Sarah Ivens said: "My biggest fear is that Larry and Howard may have tricked us all."

We didn't realize that "backroom deal" is what the kids are calling it these days. But listen, whether or not they've lied about their daily sausage intake, these guys have had a rough year. If the only place they can find solace and peace is in each other's rippling arms, then we say, nibble away. It's only giving Dannielynn a rosier future, living rich off the residual fat of a Lifetime movie entitled, Lust Triangle: Love My Mother, Love Each Other: The Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead née Stern Story. We're getting misty already.