The New York Times has taken upon itself the responsibilities of in loco parentis. Or maybe, in loco retardis, because the New York tips they're publishing for new college arrivals are WOW IDIOTIC. "Don't try to swim in the rivers. Drownings are all too common" for one. There's a reason people die like this; it's called God's vengeance. Also: "Don't spend money on condoms. The city gives them away" for another. Yeah, at the gay bathhouse. But to the Metro section's credit, over on the Metro blog, all the Times commenters have much worse advice—except for one.

Don't use "like" five times in every sentence. You got into Columbia/NYU and you know how to express yourself articulately, don't you? Also, don't talk loudly about how your parents live in this or that affluent suburb. It's all too obvious and doesn't need to be stated. Also, don't act like you own the street and the world stops when you and 20 friends decide to have a conversation. It's called a side-WALK. If you don't walk, people will hustle (and maybe push) to get through a crowd. Deal with it or move back to Iowa!

Posted by Katherine

Katherine! New York hero!