So today, nearly all of the celeb mags are breathlessly reporting the nastiest coupling we've come across: Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy Larry Birkhead and her attorney and semi-husband Howard K. Stern were, according to that strumpet Rita Cosby's new book, totally doing it! And struck a backroom deal, and there's a sex tape, and oh my God, gross.
Now, a lot of people are understandably skeptical about this; for one thing, if there really was a sex tape, don't you think it would have come out by now? (Also: Gah!) We're going to come down on the side of there not only definitely being a deal between Larry and Howard—and also the side of Larry being much more of a slime than his carefully edited image would have us believe—but also the side of Howard and Larry totally doing it. Hear us out.
For one thing, there's the simple fact of, which other women have you ever seen either of them with? Also, Anna Nicole was notoriously distrustful of men, and in the last few years had surrounded herself solely with gays. OK! alleges that she chose Larry to be the father of her daughter because he was blond and blue-eyed (like her!)—and gay. Remember all that stuff in her diaries about hating sex? Mmmhmm. It's all coming together now, isn't it? (There was also her totally dykey assistant. Remember her?)
Then there's also the fact that neither Howard nor Larry has actually come out and denied being gay. There's been a lot of mumbling about "these allegations" being unfounded and so on, but if they don't like dudes, it seems a little odd that they've never been just like, "What? No."