So guys? We're very quickly nearing the end of my tenure here. As you undoubtedly know, I'm going to that salmon-colored rag that Choire already turned up his nose at, and whose new owner, I'm told, forces all hires to eat liver and onions until they puke all over Peter Kaplan's desk. Not looking forward to that so much! Um. Anyways! As I said earlier in the day, I'm all kinds of excited and sad. But I couldn't leave without saying a proper goodbye. Memories!
Thanks, first, to Lock, Balk, and Mohney, who brought me in to talk about the job based on the fact that I had once mocked Chuck Klosterman in a very public venue. Based on that, and little else, they got Denton to hire me. (Weird! But this is how things work, apparently.)
Once I was hired, I was told that they'd hired another editor at the same time, and her name was Emily. We decided to have lunch at Rice, which I guess is no longer on Mott Street, and we decided that we liked each other and would have to unite against the big, mean boys. Which we mostly successfully did, I think! Except then Choire came back, which kind of upset that equilibrium, because it's just not the same to unite against a gay.
I remember this time that Josh totally took our not getting into a book party at the Waverly Inn in stride and bought me a glass of rosé at Morandi, where we saw Betsey Johnson looking completely insane and he showed me his iPhone. Aww, Joshie! I'll miss you.
Then there was this time that Choire had us all (except Balk) to his house on Fire Island, and that was when Emily and I started talking about the Emperor's Children and who should play whom in the movie. We also cooked way too much food on the grill, and walked through the sketch forest-beach between the Pines and Cherry Grove. Ew!
In, like, March I made Choire take me to Tom & Jerry's on Elizabeth Street and told him that I wanted to be full-time, and he suggested I start writing about the media. I remember being all like, "Um... media? But I have no sources and it's scary!" He told me it would be fine, and it mostly was, except when people would call me up and yell at me. Then I would ask myself why I was doing this job. That didn't happen super often, though.
Also? You commenters are craaaazy! I love you. Keep in touch, for reals?
Oh God. I've stalled for long enough. Is this really going to be it? After who knows how many posts, how many IM conversations, how many off the record emails? It's all over. It's been amazing. Seriously. I'm getting all choked up now and my dog is looking at me funny, so I think I'm going to have to stop... Oh, wait! One last thing. I made up this handy list of people I love and people I hate. Just for reference!
People I Hate: Joel Stein. Most n+1 editors. Marty Peretz. Bill Carter. Dave Zinczenko. Wesleyan students. Balk. Lewis Lapham. P*r*z Hilton. Spencer Pratt.
People I Love: Janice Min. David Carr. Jack Shafer. Balk. Nat Ives. Nikki Finke. Chris Noth.
Okay, that's really it.