No Non-Alice Lesbianism Behind The 'Brady' Scenes: Publisher

Generations of Brady Bunch fans were shocked to learn of the Marcia/Jan lesbian teen romp rumors that set the internets ablaze on Friday, finding it difficult to envision Marcia combing the back of her mullet 100 times before engaging her sister in a vigorous tribbing session beneath a faded Billie Jean King poster. It promised to be the most unforgettable chapter of Here's the Story, Maureen McCormick's upcoming memoir—and one the publisher doesn't remember reading:

The book publisher for Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia Brady on the 1970s sitcom "The Brady Bunch," is shooting down rumors that she had a lesbian on-set affair with co-star Eve Plumb, who played her younger sister Jan.
"We are verifying that it is not true," said Debbie Styer, senior vice president of group publicity at William Morrow, the book's publisher. "The real story of what happened in [McCormick's] life and behind the scenes of the show will all come out when the book comes out."
We suspect the "real" story involves the run-of-the-mill eating disorders and drug problems that plague 9 out of 10 former child stars—hardly the kind of sapphic sibling-on-sibling action that might have nudged McCormack's autobiography onto the bestseller list. It's not too late, however, for McCormack to deliver on her book's sex scandal promise: Perhaps she might approach Plumb to pose for a tastefully lit rack-groping photo session, for a heavily illustrated epilogue entitled, "A Newfound Taste for Bradyflower."