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Kitchen appliances:

"This microwave looks great. Does it have a popcorn setting?"

"A popcorn subscription, yes."


"There is a popcorn setting, but it's only good with this list of popcorn manufacturers. We were at least able to get Pop Secret and Orville Redenbacher to agree on a 99-cent price point for each use."

"Erm. How about this model? Is popcorn free on this?"

"Yes, but you can only use it three times."


"There is, however, a bonus: You can play five pre-loaded microwave games."

"On this little screen?"

"One of the games is 'Guess what I'm cooking.'"


"Hi, can I have a Big Mac?"

"Great, that'll be $2.99."

"Can I get bacon on that?"

"You can have our bacon cheeseburger with no lettuce."

"But...but I want both."

"I'm sorry, we don't have that model; it's too much clutter. What color would you like your Big Mac?"

"Wha...what color? Look, I'll just get the bacon cheeseburger."

"Ohhhh, I'm sorry, we just discontinued it and replaced it with a tofu burger. And the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger is now a chicken nugget."

"But I liked the old one."

"Sorry. On the upside, the Big Mac is now $1.69."

"It was $2.99 one minute ago."

"We changed them. One minute ago was the wrong time to buy a Big Mac. Now would you like some fries or would you rather wait a week until we have onion rings?"


"How much is that leather couch?"

"Six hundred dollars for sitting."

"Ha, I'll probably just end up napping on it."

"Eight hundred for napping, actually. And another six hundred if you still plan to sit as well."

"How can you charge two different prices? It's my couch."

"It's technically our couch, and you're buying the rights. By touching it you agree to these terms."

"Okay, $1400 and everyone can sit and nap."

"Up to four people."

"I think I could fit five."

"Five would be piracy."


"Welcome to Borders, I can check you out. Ah, Paradise Lost. Excellent book."

"I love it, read it five times, but I can't bear to let it out of the house, so I'm getting another copy to lend to friends."

"I'm afraid that's impossible."

"Oh no, they'll be happy to borrow it."

"I mean this book can't leave your house."

"I'm afraid you don't follow. This is my spare copy to lend out."

"I follow, it's just that Penguin books have a lock on them. This book can't leave the house you first take it to. Of course your friends could come over and read it with you. And isn't that better after all? You're already close together and sharing the experience."

"All right, I'll just buy another edition that I can lend to friends."

"There's this one."

"Oh my god, it literally looks like shit!"

"It's selling like it too."