Flock Of D-Bags

In Hipsterville did Alex Blagg
A super douchebag-dome decree:
Where Pabst, the sacred liquid, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party girdled round:
And there were fat girls bright with sinuous rolls,
Where blossomed many a coke-snorting cooze;
And here were kids who dressed like trolls,
Ladies and gents, it's Blue States Lose!

10.The Cobrasnake. Church Porridge photo #4904: I never thought you could turn "offensiveness" into a costume, but this horrorshow sure pulled it off somehow.

9.The Cobrasnake. Crazy Shwayze photo #5179: Is this seriously Steve Aoki, fucking crowd surfing!?!? And are people seriously holding this jerkoff aloft? For the last time, dickweed, you're A FUCKING LAPTOP DJ. You play songs from a computer so a room full of drunk college kids have something to dance to. You're like a Dave Matthews Band CD for hipsters, except even fucking lamer.

8. The Cobrasnake. Crazy Shwayze photo #5287: Those Native-American Dreamcatcher necklace things really do work. Take this guy, for example. It was always his dream to look like a Nazi drag queen in fur, and just look at him now.

7. Last Night's Party. Rated X Chicago photo #5294: "Hahahaha ohmygod, you're SO right, every lame indie band DOES have the word "wolf" in their name! Wanna go have joyless drunken sex then never call me again?"

6. The Cobrasnake. Church Porridge photo #4931: It's impossible to achieve perfection, but a studded denim vest, ironic pink tank top, and a glass of white zin with a few of your bestie girlfriends sure comes awfully close.

5. Last Night's Party. Buzzin' word abortion: There wasn't a lot of photo material to work with this week, but sometimes words can be worth a thousand pictures.

4. Last Night's Party. Rated X Chicago photo #5423: If you've ever had some masochistic desire to fuck Courtney Love, but you're not holding enough weight to afford the real thing, this chick will show up at your house for an Adderall and a pack of cigarettes.

3. Last Night's Party. Rated X Chicago photo #5383: Looks like Flock of Seagulls found himself some OJ, and guess what? He just might fucking drink some of it!

2. Last Night's Party. Rated X Chicago photo #5366: Marcel Marceau Manson here is challenging our preconceived notions of what miming is, shocking and frightening us into the grim realization that we're all wordless weirdos in some capacity, and as such, we should just go ahead and allow him to fondle our chests when he asks.

1. Nicky Digital. Cheeky Bastard photo #58133: If you're dressed like this, it pretty much goes without saying that you have magical powers. I suspect our friend here has the ability to orgasm trance music.

Previously: Does Anyone Speak Hipsterese?