Jakulia Allodwick Back On, Grosser Than Ever

"Every woman in the history of the world, at one point or another, has voiced complaints to the man she's seeing—and it is our collective fantasy (something which almost always remains a fantasy) that said man actually listen to our complaints, take time to reflect upon them, and then—holy crap—maybe... evolve ?!?! This is one of those (tragically rare) instances, and all I have to say is, if every guy so freely admitted his mistakes, no one would get any work done. They'd all be busy having incredibly hot makeup sex," wrote Star editor-at-large Julia Allison about her on and off boyfriend, College Humor millionaire Jakob Lodwick. Guess he got tested for STDs after all! But what was the gallant gesture that finally got Jakob into Julia's good graces and panties? How, exactly, did he evolve?

This is the first time I've blogged a public apology for a breakup, but I feel right doing it. And here it is: Julia, you deserve better than I treated you. I'm sorry I broke up with you for standing up for yourself; I'm sorry I fixated on and attacked your flaws; I'm sorry I blew you off because I was tired from shrooms; and I'm sorry I selflessly agreed to hang out with you when I didn't actually want to (which was the root of this dilemma).
Oh my God, what a gentleman! "I'm sorry I blew you off because I was tired from shrooms" are the words every young girl grows up aching to hear.