James Lipton, who takes time off of his busy schedule of being a horrendous bore to ask actors dumb questions on Bravo's "Inside the Actor's Studio," wrote a memoir called "Inside Inside." We'll visit it in due time. In the interim, to answer the question, or rather the degree, of Mr. Lipton's pretentious hideosity, we'll have to rely on a recent New York magazine interview conducted by ex-BlackBook editor William Georgiades "on the deck of of Lipton's Bridgehampton home, where he also sang in Latin."
We bet he did! In the introduction, Georgiades claims that Lipton can execute a pirouette. Though we don't believe it, there is absolutely nothing we'd rather see than James Lipton in a slate-grey onesie, trying to do a pirouette en dehors.
The interview, which consists of five questions and one statement, makes clear Lipton's quite frankly awe-inspiring ability to ooze shittiness through every pore in his demon skin. Take the first question: Why is there no index in your book? The answer:
Because I do not want people to browse this book. Only one person has said there ought to be an index, and I said I don't want you for a reader. I worked so hard to give the book a shape, and as freewheeling as it seems, there is structurally nothing that's random. I wrote the book in concentric circles.
Later in the interview, Lipton utters six sentences so perfectly douchey that they could almost serve as a prayer or incantation for douches from times past. Georgiades asks "Were you really a pimp in Paris?" Lipton replies:
I was. It came up once when I interviewed Julia Roberts, so I had to set the record straight. Even better was learning about Agamemnon from those shepherds in Mycenae. I still have that shepherd's crook. Sometimes I pick it up and twirl it like a baton. Wood lasts.
Wood lasts, really, James? The best part is that he lied about being a pimp. "A follow-up with Lipton's assistant clarified his role in the world of French prostitution: He was a "mec"—a guy who works for the prostitutes—not a pimp." Since mec actually is old slang for pimp, Lipton is either a fluffer or a liar.