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With its relaxing ocean vistas and its proximity to the area with highest density of well-monied, famous fuck-ups addicts on the planet, it's unsurprising that Malibu has become such a popular location for absurdly expensive drug rehabilitation centers, whose recent concentration in the welcoming beachside community provides a staggering variety of convenient drying-out options for out-of-control celebrities who've just driven their luxury automobiles into the Pacific following all-night benders. Today's LAT has taken a closer look at Malibu's impressive line-up of detox resorts, but discovers that some patients unhappy with their results claim that the some of the celebrity-studded rehab centers have unfair no-refund and pro-starfucking policies:

"They get people at their most vulnerable point to turn over huge sums of money," said Michael Parks, a lawyer for a former patient identified only as John Doe, a 50-year-old lawyer and alcoholic who sued in July. "Promises has a double standard of caring for celebrities first, at the expense of regular people."

The suit accuses Promises of evicting the plaintiff after a week — and keeping the balance of his $49,000 payment — because of false claims that he had made a "sexually inappropriate remark" to an unnamed celebrity patient.

The Promises staff tolerated "racially insensitive comments" by a celebrity, the suit alleges. Promises denied the allegations. A hearing is set for November. [...]

Sauer said Promises did nothing wrong. "Just because someone files a lawsuit, does that mean anything?" he asked.

If the 'Bu-habs are, in fact, giving their celebrity clients preferential treatment during their stays, they're merely following the effective and long-established practices of any luxury-based business trying to stay competitive in Los Angeles. Even if they've paid their mid-five-figure fees, Hollywood civilians probably shouldn't be too shocked when their combination poolside hot-rocks massages/encounter sessions are cut short so that a Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson don't have to wait a minute longer than necessary to begin battling the demons that may require three or four month-long, Platinum Member stays to fully vanquish.