The Great Neon Jazzercise Gangbang

If you are old, you might not know that the youngs like to dress up in the most fantastic fashions, put their hair up, and cavort for photographers at super-cool underground parties! Then, they are documented by websites such as Last Night's Party and Cobrasnake. Furthermore! Our pal Alex Blagg searches these websites for the winners and (mostly) losers of the week! We gave this process an evocative name: Ladies and gentleman, that name is Blue States Lose.

10.Last Night's Party. Style Wars photo #7280: I love the fashion catastrophes that are clearly the result of an overzealous design student, such as this young lady who, in a fit of passionate stylistic inspiration, arrived at the idea to put together a little number consisting of boxing gloves that perpetually cup her breasts, and household scissors haphhazardly jammed into the front of her pants. Sad thing is she got a B.

9.Last Night's Party. Style Wars photo #7340: Hey NYU Freshman Princesses From the Suburbs, I know you girls are all excited about swan diving into the downtown party scene you've been reading so much about in Nylon or Teen Vogue or whatever, but if you're going to show up to the big dance, you're gonna need to cover your face with clown make-up and sparkles, because this half-assed Little League Umpire In A Tiara shit ain't gonna cut it.

8. Last Night's Party. Heists photo #7665: Oh yeah? Well why don't you go (whatever the symbol is for being a worthless walking cliche who is utterly wasting perfectly good air) YOUR own city, which we all know is probably in Missouri or something.

7. The Cobrasnake. Sidekick LX In Effect photo #2758: How sad that the sum total of a person's entire life could add up to this.

6. The Cobrasnake. Sixteen Candles photo #0458: Steve Aoki is apparently available for birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Here's Little Miss Super Sweet Sixteen and her folks, who apparently thought it was a good idea to blow a few grand on having a junkie laptop master playing hits from the hipster Top 40 while some pervy creep takes pictures of all their daughter's teenage friends. Way to go, LA parents!

5. Last Night's Party. Style Wars photo #7345: It looks like American Apparel FINALLY got around to making the inevitable Glittery Generic Overpriced T-shirt, and someone couldn't be any more thrilled.

4. Last Night's Party. Style Wars photo #7412: Count Igor Facetious is a magical goth troll who lives under the Williamsburg bridge, emerging only at night to torment unsuspecting passers-by with his tinseled hair and diabolical beauty. According to downtown legend, he has sex with rainbows, never sleeps and only eats disco balls.

3. The Cobrasnake. Fashion Circus photo #1375: Lydia Hearst landed a big modeling gig for the daring new fashion line "Unwashed Zombie Homeless Person Covered In Puke."

2. Last Night's Party. Style Wars photo #6140: You insensitive bile-mongers wouldn't be laughing so hard if you knew that Little Orange Retardedhood's stylist is an autistic person.

1. Last Night's Party. Style Wars photo #7357: Let's take a moment and try to figure out just what in the hell is going on here. I'm going to go with "Neon Jazzercise Gangbang", which looks even more disconcerting than it sounds. Also that guy on the left might be the greatest thing I've ever seen in the long sordid history of this column. Either way, this is my new desktop wallpaper.