Josh Hartnett Stumbles Into First Place During Another Slow Weekend At The Box Office

Take a quick peek out of your window: If the surrounding area is not being ravaged by wildfires, proceed to the weekend's box office numbers and begin your week:

1. 30 Days of Night - $16 million
Even when watching him playing second banana to a slumming Harrison Ford or valiantly battling his own libido in a light-hearted abstinence farce (we totally almost believed he could go 40 days and nights without getting some tail!), we always had a feeling that Josh Hartnett would finally put it all together and open a movie at number one during a prolonged period of moviegoer apathy. Maybe it took a little longer than expected, but we knew that he'd get there eventually.

2. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married - $12.1 million
Now that Tyler Perry has conquered America, his agents are ready to break him overseas. Of course, if they're really seriously about making Perry the next Will Smith, they might need to convince him that it's time to drop the grandma drag and uplifting, family-friendly stories and turn himself over to Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich to kick off the blowing-shit-up part of his career.

3. The Game Plan - $8.122 million
The Monday morning after The Game Plan opened in first place, child star Madison Pettis awoke to discover a disturbing gift on her doorstep: a shoebox full of Barbie heads and a note reading, "I was adorable once. Nothing lasts. Save your money. —Dakota"

4. Michael Clayton - $7.1 million
Fat Clooney already has an Oscar, and Black and White Clooney was nominated for a pair, but we fear that his latest incarnation, Morally Compromised But Ultimately Noble Clooney Carrying An Extra Ten Pounds Or So might be too nuanced a creation to draw serious consideration from the Academy.

5. Gone Baby Gone - $6 million
We'd been a little numbed by the seemingly endless "Ben Affleck seeks career redemption behind the camera" pieces over the past few weeks, but you know what? The guy can direct. Also: He's only the second-best actor in his family, but we've suspected that ever since Casey masturbated into a baseball mitt in Good Will Hunting.