"Neither was eager to discuss the first marriage. Mr. Mortimer, when the matter was first raised, pretended to ignore the question and then jokingly kept asking a reporter if he had tried Mrs. Mortimer's 'famous meatloaf.'" That canny Topper Mortimer sure knows how to manipulate the press, huh? That's from Eric Konigsberg's kind of awesome profile of the mysterious husband of "New York's preeminent young socialite," Tinsley Mortimer—the man who is the source of her connections and her money but who is almost never seen with her at parties. Because: He thinks benefits are bullshit!

As he was slightly in his cups, Mr. Mortimer was quick to begin his indictment of the charity circuit. "What I'm saying is, I want to see some results from all these benefits," he said. "Do you think any of these people would be involved if they didn't get credit for it?"

Oh my god, that thought has totally occurred to us, too, and we weren't even drunk! Also: "I'm just saying, when you live for the show of it, you live with an audience."

But even though Tinsley comes across in this article, as usual, as a caricature of herself—"she arrived for an interview with a stack of press clippings and photographs of Graymont, the large house she grew up in. ("Because, you know, there are rumors that my father was like 'a carpet salesman,' and actually it's a family-owned carpet-manufacturing company.")—the Mortimers appear to have met cute and to... love each other?

Or he loves her, at least. On their introduction at boarding school: "It was a snowfall and she was walking across the campus with a couple of her friends and I just grabbed her and threw her in a snowbank. Anyway, that was my approach. She didn't like it but she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe." And:

"I adore her," he said, affecting reluctance. She made a pouting face and said, "Adore me, Topper." "I don't care what anyone else thinks," he said. "If you want to live a certain way, I love you the same. I'll still be here."

Tom Buchanan much?

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