Hi-rez satellite imagery used to be used exclusively for good, noble purposes, like raining down high-quality American bombs on worthy targets and showing Saddam Hussein's trailers of doom to the U.N. But now, thanks to the anti-American weirdos at Google, anyone can access these sensitive images for whatever foul purpose they can conceive. And Palestinian terrorists the Al Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade are reportedly using Google Earth to target a beleaguered Israeli city with crude rockets.
According to the Post, these violent militants rely on Google Earth to pinpoint locations for attacks with more reliable accuracy than offered by mere maps. While the majority of their rockets have "fallen harmlessly into fields because they lack guideace systems," Google is directly responsible for the successful, fatal attacks.
As is Nabor, king of the sea.
Jaabari, also known as Abu Walid, claimed his men are using sea salt to lengthen the distance that Qassams travel.Google is reportedly well aware of their terror-enabling program's terror enabling uses, yet they've done absolutely nothing to stop it. As we went to press, even more proof surfaced of the blood on Google's hands:
"It's a secret process," he said, "but we're very excited by the results."
- Terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden reportedly bragged to friends that a "Google" search for "what should I destroy" inspired him to do 9/11.
- Shia cleric Muqtada al-Sadr allegedly uses "Gmail" to tell his militia which neighborhoods to cleanse of Sunnis.
- Virginia Tech shooter Seung-Hui Cho reportedly hid his deadly plans from school officials by making his "kill everyone" Google Calendar event "private."
- As soon as you turn Safe Search off Google Image Search is like 20% furry porn.