Ten Things The Gays Should Know About Joe Girardi

Sometimes, even in polite society, the topic of baseball comes up. So here are some fun facts about the brand-new Yankees manager that you can use when talking to "straight" men! (Straight men are the guys on Craigslist M4M who are out of shape.)



1. He has a young son named Dante and a daughter named Serena—like the chick from "Gossip Girl"!

2. Photographic evidence (above!) proves that Dante hates baseball! Mmm hmm. Or the media. Either way.

3. The Yankees could have hired Don Mattingly (sorta hot in that big-mustache 70s way) or Tony Pena (not at all hot) but they did not! Yay!

4. He looks a lot like Vin Diesel but without the overcompensating thing!

Ten Things The Gays Should Know About Joe Girardi

5. He is a catcher.

6. He hates Texas Rangers designated hitter Sammy Sosa, and so should you!

7. He is totally stroppy with obnoxious busy-body bosses—he had an on-the-field knock-down drag-out with Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria. Loria, as art world homos will know, was a bigwig collector who has some super-serious self esteem issues. Plus he's cheap. He thinks it's all about him, foreal! So, though Joe is pretty close-mouthed, there is the potential for serious tabloid catfights with the Steinbrenner family down the road!

8. He is 5'11" and probably a little down from his game weight of 200 pounds.

9. He is 43, which is actually just the right age for a man.

10. A talking point: "It's too bad that New Joe will probably be just like Joe Torre; always sounding like he's saying something meaningful and straightforward, but not really saying much at all. Man, it'd be nice for once to see someone ready to mix it up with the junior Steinbrenners in front of the press!" Also: "Wow, this is gonna be rough on the bullpen. He's hard on the pitchers!"

Heh. That sounds dirty!