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It seems not a season can pass without at least one foul-mouthed, racist celebrity tirade rearing its ugly head, and we suppose Dog the Bounty Hunter would seem as good a candidate as any for the latest iteration. For one thing, his name is Dog. Furthermore, the guy's a bounty hunter. In an n-word splattered audio recording obtained by The National Enquirer, Dog forbids his son from dating an African-American woman for the rather curious and self-fulfilling logic that it will force him to utter the n-word more often—that's just the way he refers to African-Americans, you see—and that might eventually find its way into "the Enquirer magazine," ultimately putting the cuddly bounty hunting persona he's worked so hard to cultivate in jeopardy.

Since the story broke, has been firing on all cylinders: Dog has already sought the forgiveness of his (African-American!) pastor, distanced himself from Don Imus, made a preemptive reachout to Al Sharpton, and seen production of his A&E reality series suspended. Happy Halloween!