This "amazing" and fabulous opportunity of a lifetime—an auctioned-off internship at Harper's Bazaar—raises money for Bette Midler's New York Restoration Project. So blame The Divine Miss M for reinforcing the Haves' capability to purchase their credentials, at the same time as she raises money to restore neglected parks in economically-depressed 'hoods. Ah, the jaw-dropping irony. Or perhaps not so much—look who's a sponsor at the $50K-$99K level! Why, it's none other than the Hearst Corporation, parent publisher of Harpers Bazaar!

Funny, that.

Unfortunately, much of that dough was probably donated in-kind to the charity, meaning less cash for trees, more opportunities like this one for the Serena van der Woodsens of the world who can afford it.

The current bid is $625, but the auction's not over until the 8th! You have so many more chances to degrade your intellect and ability until then! Of course, you'll have to outsmart one eager-beaver, who—totally unchallenged&mdash outbid him- or herself five times in three hours on Tuesday (LC? Is that you?)

The assigned value of your experience peering at the fashion closet for four weeks from 200 feet back is $1,500. How many saplings would that buy you, Ms. Midler?