Yes, tonight's the night. Dan Lyons as Fake Steve Jobs is meeting Segway-polo fanatic Real Steve Wozniak for an Options reading at the Menlo Park Keplers at 7:30. This is a party that we just can't miss. Some of us anyway. My boss is too cheap to let me expense a Virgin America flight cross-country. Owen "Mr. Bigglesworth" Thomas will be there, purring away. So will Megan McCarthy, the self-proclaimed "Princess of the Valley." Finally, very special correspondent Paul Boutin (boo-TAHN) will be there with his wife, Christina Noren, whom voters on Dig a Silicon Valley Girl have deemed the prettiest girl in the area. You don't want to miss that! Hit the jump to see what Fake Steve had to say the last time Woz crashed his party.

Isn't it just like Woz to show up and try to steal the spotlight from me on my big day? He's like the ex-girlfriend who shows up at the wedding dressed in a really hot sexy red dress, trying to take attention away from the bride. Fair enough. Apple geeks love Woz better than me. Always have. So of course he can't resist showing up on iPhone day to steal some of the love that was supposed to be aimed entirely at me. Plus, and this is really sad, Woz just thrives on the adulation and can't get enough of it. It's almost a sickness, the way he needs it.

Who's dentoned himself now, Lyons? We can't wait to see you make nice with the Woz. He might run you down with his Segway if you aren't careful.