• Britney Spears needs a good smack with the Suze Orman stick. Carrying a $50,000-a-month mortgage when you're taking home $737,868 a month is sooooo stupid. Why will no one teach the young women of today anything about finance? If Britney lives past 50 she'll be eating cat food. Chances that she'll live that long are slim anyway. [Page Six]
  
• Bette Midler tried to get Rolling Stone editor Jann Wenner to cough up money for charity through the shame technique, telling him: "Sell the plane! Sell your fucking plane!" That's crazy! Without it, how could he be a huge hypocrite about global warming? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Salman Rushdie went as Darth Vader for Halloween. [Page Six]
  

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