Breaking news! People who drink Red Bull and vodka are rapists and friends of drunk drivers! It's been proven by science. Researchers at Wake Forest surveyed 4,300 students on their drinking habits, and of the 2,900 who didn't lie about their sobriety, 700 admitted to using energy drinks as mixers. Which led to even more bad decisions!
The students sucking down Speed Balls, Bullgaritas and Bull Breezes were much more likely to be hurt or injured, to ride with an intoxicated driver or to take advantage of someone else sexually.
It turns out that this "Red Bull" product has "about three times the caffeine in a can of Coca-Cola" (or, like, about as much as a cup of coffee), and that can trick drinkers into thinking they are not as drunk as they actually are! So then, naturally, they go around sexually assaulting people. Correlation equals causation! Man, this whole "mixing uppers with alcohol" trend seems dangerous! We'd all better be careful to see that it doesn't spread.