Could it be true that advertising is nothing more than a big pack of lies, designed to get you to purchase things that often you don't need and perhaps believe things you shouldn't? Advertising copywriter Copyranter brings you instances of advertising lies and the lying liars who sell them.

It's the Americans versus the Finns; the venerable Leo Burnett ad agency versus the hottest shop in Scandinavia; Kellogg's All-Bran cereal versus Levolac brand laxative. Both spots use cute visual metaphors to illustrate colon clogging and unclogging. Which commercial is better? To the figurative fecal matter!

First up, it's the Levolac spot via Bob Helsinki. (Yes, that's the firm's full name). They chose to go with a negative approach—showing people bottlenecked in revolving doors and such to remind us all how uncomfortable constipation can be. But not to worry!

People: They're pieces of shit! The quirky music really makes this spot go. Listen closely, and you can sort of hear simulated gas gurgling sounds. The copy translates as:

Even if you're constipated
no need to feel ill-fated.
It's so easy to do a poo
with Levolac helping you.

It sure beats the usual American effort, which consists of a couple of 50ish friends talking frankly and unbelievably about "irregularity." Which beings us to the Leo Burnett spot—which features a construction worker on site talking frankly about irregularity! BUT! It's what happens in the background that is advertising magic.

A load of bricks! Barrels representing those wonderful little rounded excretions we all know and love! I love this spot! Finally, an advertiser acknowledges that "older adults" like stupid humor, too. However, the spot could definitely do without the graphic "Do It Feel It" tagline; that is really gross, Kellogg's.

Anyway, I'm sorry Finland. Nice effort. But, the first annual Golden Turd Award, representative of outstanding advertising vis-á-via feces, goes to the Americans! We're #1 (with #2)!