Got ish? Our advice columnist, the author and blogger Tionna Tee Smalls, is here to help you handle your problems in a mature and reasonable fashion. Ask her anything! In this week's installment: How to approach a woman who has dated the same man as you in the spirit of sisterly solidarity, and how to beat her up when that doesn't work out.
I am dealing with some ish that I really need your advice on. A couple weeks ago, I met this incredibly perfect guy: hot, funny, sweet, etc. He turned out to be a big pothead and loser and I thought he was even kind of with this other chick, so we broke up. As it turns out, he WAS with this other girl (but I knew he had broken up with her, too). So one night at our college bar I went up to her, thinking we could bond, and was like "Hey, we dated the same guy! Let's totally be friends!" I did it because I thought "We're both
girls and should stick together against all the assholes of the world."
I was so wrong. This girl started flipping out. She had no idea we both dated this guy at the same time. I feel badly that I made her upset, but since then she's been harassing me on campus and even hit me and threw a drink down my white dress at a party. This entire time I have always ignored her and never retaliated, but that night was so bad I decided to press charges against her through my school. The people at the university I've talked to suggested I get a restraining order against her, too. While this is being dragged through my university's judicial system, I'm having a really hard time moving on. I think about what this girl did to me all the time, and since our school is very small, I see her pretty often and am so afraid she's going to try to hurt me again. Tionna, how do I get over this?
It's a Good Thing That White Dress Was Cheap
Dear it's a Good Thing That the White Dress Was Cheap,
This is a definite hell-to-the-naw moment.
Most of the letters we receive here at Gawker are matters of the heart or the catbag, but this one is different. I am going to totally help you out with this one because this letter has too much ish going on. It's kind of funny to me that almost every guy we talk about on here turns out to be a pothead. Damn, what's up with that? Are you ladies turning these guys to drugs with your insecurities and emotions? (Um, I wonder).
First of all, you should have never came up to that chick. Your intentions were good but your approach was all wrong. Who wants to hear, "Hey we dated the same guy." She was probably thinking like bitch, I don't know you and you're coming to my face with this bullcrap. This was wrong also because for all you know, she could have thought that you were the girl he was cheating on her with, you understand? You didn't even watch how she moved, you just went in thinking she was all down with pink power (sisterhood). Oh please, girlfriend, that wasn't smart at all.
Another thing is, you don't know the circumstances of their relationship. He could have hurt her feelings badly and here you go out of nowhere, throwing salt on an open wound. So she may have took her pain out on you (though I am not defending what she did to you).
So now that is established, let's get down what my real problem is with: You. This chick gets mad because you approached her and she goes and starts harassing you, hitting you and throwing a drink down your dress. Oh hells no... First of all, Tionna Smalls is not an advocate for violence but you should have whipped her ass first and asked questions later. There is no way in hell you let someone put their damn hands on you and you don't defend yourself. That bitch ain't that crazy, she's human, she bleeds just like your ass. Ooh, I don't like this skank. What you should have done was made a report against her when she first started harassing you so that you would have been protected against any charges once you would have beat the life out of this trick. She has no right at all to be violent towards you.
Damn girl, you sound like you are way too nice. I think it's definitely time for you to become a member of the smack-a ho tribe. Foreal.
I know you may not be an aggressive person but hey, we all have a little fighter in us and I know you may be scared but f-that. Think of what Rocky said in "Rocky 4" when he had to go fight Ivan Drago in Russia right after Drago killed Apollo. Adrian said, "You Can't Win."
And do you remember Rocky's reply? Well I do, here it goes: "Maybe I can't win, maybe the only thing I could do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me, he's going to have to kill me. And to do that, he has to be willing to die himself. I don't think he is ready to do that." Wowzers. That quote is just motivation to my soul. Seriously, take that Rocky quote and make it your own and your fear would go away regarding this chick. Believe me!
You can't go backwards, so beating her ass now may not be an option, but remember that a bully doesn't go away until you pluck them. Right now this female is probably scared to bother you because of the pending charges. But if she ever act crazy again, take all your strength, all your might, and knock her ass out. It's sad but sometimes you have to take justice in your own hands. I think after that, she will get the picture but ignore as much as possible.
BTW, I don't care how cheap the dress was. Her behavior was unacceptable and it better not happen again or we will have to make a trip down there, lol.
And for all of you lovers, check out www.blogtalkradio.com/talkdatish for our radio show at 6 p.m. Tonight is dedicated to my Gawker readers. The topic: Dating in 2007: Are We All Doomed? Listen live and call in. Our number is (347) 215-7763. We will be discussing the real deal on dating, the trials and the tribulations. Don't miss it!