Each fall, Time magazine hosts a panel luncheon to put forward nominations for their annual super-special "Person of the Year" issue. The magazine feeds a couple hundred media folks and then pretends to let them participate in the decision—they also hand out gift bags, which was a good enough reason for us to go today! This year's panelists: Brian Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, George Allen, MySpace co-founder Chris DeWolfe and rockstar activist Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Last year's much-ridiculed mylar heraldee—you! I mean, me!—requires a decent recovery for 2007. This is why it was so lame that Williams, Whoopi and DeWolfe all suggested some take on the environment. Whoopi even went all abstract on us, choosing just the word green. Too much Joy Behar exposure, perhaps?
Now, in our defense, we recycle, we turn off lights, we don't even litter, which basically qualifies us as saints in this city. We have been known to, upon occasion, not completely tune out Al Gore.
Still... a Time rendition of Vanity Fair's "Green Issue" leaves us cold.
Former senator George Allen, who's been stumping so long he can put an audience into a trance faster than most, suggested General Petraeus "and the troops." Of course, of course, the troops too!
Ali seemed to be the only one who didn't make up her answer in the elevator; she chose French prez Nicholas Sarkozy. Hammy Brian Williams had some mic trouble; "No thanks, Whoops," he answered when the "View" host offered him hers. Is it just us, or are Williams' much-written about secret comedy chops on their way to being overexposed?
Still! We do give him props for verbally smacking the 41-year-old MySpace guy (whose alternate suggestion—surprise!&mdash was his new boss, Rupert Murdoch) when he tried to sound 15-years-old by saying he wasn't exactly sure what this General Petraeus guy was all about. (And he isn't even the MySpace founder who lies about his age!)
The real message in the news, "whatever that message may be," gets lost for young people, he thinks. Honey. AARP's got you on deck; you sound silly.
"My wife and I thank you," an almost misty-eyed George Allen said to a horrified Whoopi Goldberg, thanking her for "Ghost." WTMI, Senator, seriously.
And a slightly scary Post grande dame Liz Smith scolded the panel for being too upbeat, and TV chat-host Joe Scarborough, who is awfully tall, suggested George W. Bush. That did it for Whoopi, who then kicked everyone out. We thus leave it to you, dear readers, because other than maybe that "your mom" should be Time's Person Of The Year, we got nothing.