Here's a new one for you: I think my boyfriend has a thing for his niece. He is 32; the niece, his older sister's daughter, is 22.
I have been dating this man for six months and I recently met his extended family during a holiday visit. I met this niece before and had noticed that he seems very attentive to her (much more so than he is toward other family members), but during this visit, I saw my boyfriend dance very suggestively with her and even pinch her butt a couple of times.
The niece is arguably the most beautiful woman I have ever seen — she is smokin' hot!!! — but still. To me this seems waaaay out of line, but I was born and raised in the United States, and he is a recent immigrant, and so I am wondering if maybe differing cultural norms could be to blame. I should add that other family members were in the room during the dancing and the pinching. Our relationship seems solid so far, but it is obviously fairly new so I don't know if I should make a big deal about this by bringing it up or just wait to see if/how it continues.
So, do I pick option...
A — he is a pervert; run the other way
B — there may be a misunderstanding; talk frankly with my boyfriend about this
C — nothing's wrong here, except my paranoia; get over it
Dear Suspecting Incest,
This is definitely a new one for me but I am here to help you. I must let you know that it is some real questionable activity going on in this family. You are suspecting that your man has a thing for his niece... Um, that is some real HOT ASS MESS... I really feel bad that you are even having these thoughts (yuck).
See here is the problem; he is pinching his niece on her ass. I don't care what country he is from, he is in America now and that's what we call gross. Don't blame us; blame the social constructs that were placed on us since birth. He is not supposed to touch his niece in a sexually suggestive way, not even if she is Angelina Jolie-hot. The sad thing is that this is definitely his niece (his sister's kid). Wow, at least if it was his brother's kid, he could maybe make up an excuse that that's not his real niece or something.
Either way, he is still a sicko. I mean I know many people who had a thought about a family member (whether they admit it or not) but you don't go expressing that. That's just not normal, sorry.
And even if it is a part of his culture to have sex with or show sexual attention to a family member. It's still not cool because it makes you feel uncomfortable and since he is your man, your feelings should be in his best interests. This is why some of us have a problem dating a person who does not share the same culture because it is hard to get used to the traditions and customs of others. I mean, kudos to you, I think you are handling this better than most. If I would see my man pinching a woman's ass let alone his niece's, I would have been out—right after I knocked him out and cursed his whole family out. That just would have been a big turn off for me (seriously). But maybe you are nicer than I am (unfortunately).
My advice for you is to sit him down and let him know how this made you feel (icky, I hope). Ask him what is that all about and really sit and listen to his answers. Also find out what culture or tribe he is from so we all can stay away from their asses. Don't diss his culture or traditions but really sit down and explain how we do it in the U.S. of A. Let him know that using that kind of behavior is frowned on in this country and he will be socially exiled if he keeps acting like that.
If he is down with changing his behavior then work with it but if he gets real defensive like, "This is my culture. Family break girl in first" (lol), then you run as far away as you possibly can. You guys were only together for 6 months, you haven't really established much yet, so this should be easy. Please, you don't need the stress. Just think like this: That could be your little daughter a few years from now that he is inching and pinching on (if you know what I mean). Yo, foreal, please get this together ASAP before you guys reproduce. I hear too many horror stories regarding incest. It makes my stomach hurts.
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