Periodically an advertiser gives us (well, someone here!) a lot of money to run a contest. This time around, the advertiser is the sketch comedy show, The Whitest Kids U'Know. Since issues of race are interesting to us anyway, we were happy to create a contest. We're asking you to send a photograph of (wait for it) the whitest kid you know. A couple of things: First, you must actually know this person. We won't accept photographs of, for instance, Sir Harry Evans, unless you actually know Sir Harry Evans! Secondly, the person doesn't have to be white. Race is a social construct. Whiteness can be interpreted in any way you wish. But just like in college, your reading of whiteness must be bolstered by robust argument! Thirdly, you can be the whitest kid you know. Entirely possible, possibly likely! Also, there's a prize and rules.

The whitey winner gets a pair of round-trip tickets to Portland, OR, the whitest city in America. You'll also get put up in Ace Hotel, which is kind of like the Bowery Hotel of Portland. Yay!

So what again do you have to do? This:

  • Take a photograph of the Whitest kid you know being as white as he/she can possibly be.
  • Have the Whitest Kid you know answer these three questions:
    1. What is a French Cuff, as it pertains to denim?
    2. What is your favorite Lil' Wayne lyric?
    3. Fairfield or Greenwich, and why?
  • Send answers and photograph to
  • Listen to some Jimmy Buffett and wait.
  • Standard Contest Rules apply.