Guys, Quit Acting All Shifty on the Subway and Ask Us Out Already!

The passive-aggressive emo subway-stalking routine has reached a tipping point, with copycat bloggers blooming like pansies. We would like to offer some helpful hints to participants in and victims of this phenomenon.

"I guess first off is I have really high standards, especially if I'm going to have to take the time and write about her, so posts may be sporadic," blogs the gentleman who created a new blog called "So I Saw You On the Train..."

Oh, he has high standards.

This platform will for me to call out girls I saw on the train that I think are hot, if they come across their posting I made of them then they can totally hit me up and we'll go out for coffee, talk, laugh, and hopefully make out and other things.... No I'm not really as creepy and masagenistic (sic)... Watch out for the first hot chick for me to come across, it may be you ;)

God, I hope not.

Guys, let me give you some advice. Trust me, this will save you a lot of time and "masagen[y]" down the line. If you see a cute girl? On the train, or wherever? Just say hi. And smile. And compliment her. Seriously. That's all it takes. For example, a guy on the train with a mohawk once told me he liked my hair. And you know what? I called him!

First of all, if you're blogging about a cute girl instead of saying hi to her, you're a pussy. We want to date men. And men do not see a cute girl, do nothing, and then go home and blog about it. That is emosogynistic behavior.



Given all the opportunities for awkwardness from which you cannot immediately escape, however, it may be best to avoid public transportation altogether. That's what I learned yesterday, after ending up on the bus next to an "acquaintance" who I made out with last month at the Turkey's Nest, who never called, except for sending a late-night text message several weeks later asking, "what are you wearing?"