David Duchovny Finds The Truth, Can't Handle It

The date: November 19th

The place: Rockefeller Plaza

Sighted: "Just went to get lunch down in the 30 Rock concourse and saw David Duchovny with his two kids in the Swarovksi store. He looks fiiine. The dream of seeing my childhood crush in person has been fulfilled."

David Duchovny is clearly a smart guy. He went to Princeton, he wrote a thesis called The Schizophrenic Critique of Pure Reason in Beckett's Early Novels, he came up with an inventive way to never forget the name of at least one of his kids. Yet here he is, presumably hoping that Swarovski makes bedazzled crystal socks, because not one person, including his Masters-degree-having self, thought to ask the Red Hot Chili Peppers before they decided to use the word Californication as the name of his new show. How is that even possible?

I'll tell you how—because David Duchovny did it on purpose.

Imagine you are Duchovny. You've done all that fancy Ivy League crap. You broke ground with your cross-dressing role on Twin Peaks. You defined sleazebag in your star-making turn in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead. You got naked and did it with everyone on your new provocative Showtime series, and yet, to an entire horde of Sci Fi geeks, as well as just regular geeks, you will forever be the man born to play Fox Mulder.

His efforts to alter this reality over the past several years have been less than successful. House of D, the movie he wrote, directed and starred in, got some of the worst reviews a movie has ever gotten in the history of movies. The new show is getting mixed reviews and it's hardly the next X-Files. And he got upstaged by Mary-Louise Parker, two snakes and an apple in the promo poster. His only option at this point is to resign himself to his fate. And signing up for the movie sequel was a nice first step. Which, thank God they are finally doing a sequel! Mulder and Scully are totally doing it in this one.