This is a column by one of the authors of The Underminer: or, The Best Friend Who Casually Destroys Your Life. Today: isn't the WGA strike a good opportunity to deepen your yoga practice?
Hi you! How are you? Yes! I am back in New York! Ha ha! It's so weird to be back! Because when you aren't here for a while you really do see how tired and grey everyone looks. No, you look great! Like Helena Bonham Carter in Sweeney Todd!
I was just at Florent with Julianne catching up on old times. About all the crazy drug addicts and failed artists we used to know. And you walk up! What a blast from the past!
Sigh. Remember coming here to Florent after clubbing? Are you still doing that? How fun for you! How fun! You must be having fun!
No I really want to know! As you know, I have been so busy for the past few years as a showrunner for Deadwood and the Sopranos and some top secret upcoming cultural milestones.
But with the STRIKE going on I am finally free and can really re-attune myself ...so I have been working on my villa in Hana, deepening my yoga practice, spending quality time with Wentworth. My boyfriend. My boyfriend Wentworth. Who is also pretty freed up right now because of the STRIKE.
I gotta say, I got pretty sick of living in paradise. And since I can't make tons and tons of money being creatively fulfilled working for premium television, I decided to come to New York and pursue my first love: theater!
It's just so satisfying. Feeling the energy of the audience! In fact I just performed last night with Eva Longoria and the cast of Two and a Half Men. We just got onstage and did some crazy freestyle performance art! I cut up some old credit cards and cried. Charlie and John pretended they were gay and HIV positive and angry! Eva smeared herself with yams and cussed! Where? I don't know...some dirty East Village place called La Mamba? La Latka?
Oh! La Mama? You know it? It's so funky! Wow! You are still doing your crazy downtown performance art, huh? That's so cool, keeping the dream alive. You and your friends. Well get ready, because we media mavens are coming to town, and are feelin' experimental! Ha ha!
Sandra Oh will be starring in a production of Medea at PS122. And I am directing Josh Duhamel and the Fergs in a deconstructed dissonant musical version of Love Letters at some place called The Flea. And Carmen Electra will be performing this amazing, groundbreaking kind of dance form called "Burlesque"? Have you heard of it? Oh really? There are women doing it here? Well it's quite a sight when SHE does it.
Its just so...nourishing...for us established (okay, I'll just say it: rich!) writers and actors and producers to have this time to come back and see what its like to STRUGGLE for art. Just for a little bit. You know? Like to pretend we live in New York and were never discovered and can barely pay for our Cobra health insurance and have bags under our eyes? We are all so into it because it will help inform and legitimize our material after the STRIKE when we go back to making piles and piles and piles of money!
Anyway it really made me thankful for this Thanksgiving. And I hope you are thankful too. Because, I'm sorry I don't mean to harp on you, but you seem sort of down. I mean, you should really appreciate what you have going on in your crazy downtown scene. Whether or not you ever are able to open an IRA or travel to Barcelona is not the point. It's what is on the INSIDE that you should be thankful for. Take it from me! Coming here and roughing it for a month has really shown me how GREAT it is to be a struggling artist who may never make money. It's good for the character I am writing for my new top secret HBO show.
Anyway, be good to yourself. Maybe try to get some sleep. I'll see you soon I hope!