Craigslist User Wants His 'Beowulf' In 4D

Surely the author of this posting can't have been the only one to emerge from an Imax theater screening Beowulf thinking of nothing other than the overtly sexualized title character, whose "third leg," as the Danish serving wenches blushingly referred to it, was practically within 3D grasp were it not for a strategically placed mead stein in the foreground. To their credit, however, the anonymous poster took to Craigslist's virtual medieval marketplace to make their warrior-blowing fantasies come alive:

Looking for Beowulf - 21

I'm looking to blow Beowulf.

Just saw the movie and have a total fantasy now.

I want more than 3D. Just look hot like him and let's make this happen.

Defamer Connections is optimistic that LFB-21 will find at least one role-playing taker, even if he winds up looking more like the actual Ray Winstone than his motion-captured avatar. (Or worse, Grendel.) After all, Craigslist offers no satisfaction guarantees for its homoerotic CGI-heavy battle-epic fantasists—just ask the user that hoped to be "Gangbanged by 300 Spartans" back in March, who was forced to settle for seven balding, middle-aged dudes in shower-curtain capes and flip flops.