10 Dead, 5 Injured In Britney Spears Hustler Store Shopping Spree

Just a day after Star magazine exposed the chilling truth about the sex-dungeon in Britney Spears's Mulholland Dr. mansion, based off of blueprints the singer scribbled on a McDonald's placemat painstakingly plotting the placement of every pommel horse and industrial-sized lube-dispenser, Us Weekly now reports that the singer invaded the Hustler store for a lacy-underthings spree that resulted in a possibly criminal act of petty, mannequin-de-wigging larceny:

Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees "told her they don't allow people to try on underwear," a source at the scene says. "She was really upset." [...]
At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with "Barely Legal' stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.

An eyewitness tells Us, "The employees kept saying 'Don't change out here!' She's just like, 'Well, I couldn't take them in the fitting room!' It was like dealing with a child."

Spears' tantrum only continued. "The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card," the source tells Us. As payback, "on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!"

What may have seemed to onlookers to have been spiteful vandalism was, we suspect, a far more symbolic act, with the troubled pop star seeing much of herself when she gazed into the dead eyes of a dummy decked out in risqué apparel and propped in the window for all the world to gawk at. Ridding it of its wig, therefore, was a liberating gesture no less momentous than the night she shaved off her own locks of at a Tarzana beauty salon, binding the flesh and fiberglass sisters forever in a moment of Joan of Arc-ian fidelity.