Speaking from experience, the life of an After Hours reporter can sometimes be tedious. There's only so much free Belvedere vodka one can drink (just kidding! There's no limit. Please drink responsibly); so long you can feign interest in the pap vaguely interesting people are feeding you; and so many canapes you can cram down your throat the whole time thinking, "Fuck, I'm going to be too drunk to have a proper dinner." Which is why Jada Yuan's job at New York magazine remains a thing to be marveled at but not envied. But then there are times when one's relentless faux-enthusiasm for all things nocturnal pays off. Like, for instance, when you are Jada Yuan and you run into Snoop Dogg at the Bowery Hotel and a swarthy Radar-employed enabler named Neel Shah convinces you it's a good idea to get high with him. And so you do.
Neel: [Attempting to regroup] You have to go in there. Jada: Why me? Neel: It's got to be a girl. Jada: Yeah, I'm sure Snoop Dogg is really into hanging out with nerdy half-Chinese chicks who dress like librarians. You're brown. You have a beard. You go. Neel: I look like a terrorist! Go up to him and say, "It's been my dream since I was 5 years old to smoke pot with Snoop Dogg." Jada: But that's not my dream. Neel: It's like one of the top-three most impressive things you can possibly do in your life! Play ball with LeBron James. Have sex with Jenna Jameson. Smoke pot with Snoop Dogg. I can guarantee there are men on this earth who have done all three, but they are way cooler than me. You HAVE to do this. Jada: Well, I guess it does lead me one step closer to sex with Jenna Jameson.So kudos, seriously, to Jada and note to Neel: there are a lot more impressive things to do than those three things. Or at least I pray there are.
[Jada hops into a group of passersby, then out again at the center of Snoop Dogg's circle. D-O-Double G passes a long, lean, perfectly rolled blunt to a woman nearby.]
Jada: [Mumbling to self while backing away] Oh, well, looks like I missed my chance.
Snoop Dogg: At what, sugar?
Jada: Uh ... it's been a dream of mine since I was 5 to smoke pot with Snoop Dogg.
Snoop Dogg: [Laughs, pulls out an identical long, lean, perfectly rolled blunt, lights it, and puts it in her tiny hands] Has it been that long?