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While we were out snarfing turkeys last week, turns out America's best newspaper typist was putting out a column! Better you read it late than never: "Hey, speaking of meat, have you seen those commercials where these mom-type ladies are trying to kill the King from Burger King? I'm not sure those are some good commercials, you know? I mean, I love me some Burger King, and I enjoy the enigmatic "The King" character currently featured in many of the Burger King promotions, and while I try not to overthink (or even think) on stuff, one could theorize and summarily conclude these women are trying to kill The King because he's trying to kill The Children with his delicious Whopper and Double Cheeseburger meat sandwiches, right? That's what I got out of it, anyway. It's not gonna stop me from going to Burger King when I need a Double Cheeseburger, but then where's the Carbon Footprint there, huh? Or should I say Carbon Assprint?" [City Paper]