Are you tired of rising property costs in Williamsburg? Are you tired of the scourge of espresso bars, cheese shops, yoga centers and day spas? Do you yearn for the old days when a prostitute or drug dealer set up shop on every corner? Remember infamous Williamsburg coke bar Cokie's?!?!?! We've got just the thing to dissuade recent undergraduates from moving there AND to sate your taste for nostalgia. Buy them the Brooklyn Paper! Because seriously, their latest police blotter is out of control.

From this week's blotter:

  • The roommate story to end all roommate stories began on Nov. 24 at 2:20 am, when a 30-year-old Rutledge Street resident began banging on his roommate's door, demanding that she turn down the music. Rather than kill the noise, the 25-year-old woman allegedly barged out of her room wielding some sort of sharp-edged object and lacerated her roomie's right ring finger. And so he called the cops, and she was arrested.
  • When the woman returned to her apartment, between Wythe and Bedford avenues, the following evening at 8 pm, she discovered that someone had rifled through her belongings while she was in jail. She ended up losing $300 in cash, a Treo cellphone, an IBM ThinkPad laptop, and a Compaq laptop.
  • An actress and late-night reveler at a popular Williamsburg bar and eatery was robbed on Nov. 25 after leaving her purse unattended. The 25-year-old Screen Actors Guild member was partying at the Metropolitan Avenue drinking establishment, at Havemeyer Street, at around 3:30 am, when she put her purse down. When she picked it up about 15 minutes later, her brown wallet was missing. She lost one debit card, two credit cards, and her Guild membership card.
  • A hapless victim searching for the entrance to a building on Ten Eyck Walk got robbed on Nov. 21 after two men approached him, asked for a cigarette, and then demanded that he empty his pockets. "You are joking with me," responded the 41-year-old victim, who, at 9:15 am had been looking for the door to the building between Humboldt Street and Graham Avenue. The crooks weren't kidding — which become readily apparent when one of the guys pulled out a black gun and said, "If you don't want problems, you better empty your pockets."
  • A middle-aged man supposedly collecting money for his sick mother wasn't satisfied when a guy on Meserole Street gave him $2 — so he stole another $182. "My mother is sick," said the mugger, who approached his 22-year-old victim at 7:25 pm on Nov. 21, between Leonard Street and Manhattan Avenue. "I need $26." When the victim offered him two bucks, the thug stole his wallet and removed the rest of the cash. Returning the wallet to the victim, the thug warned, "Do not say anything. I have a weapon, and I do not want to shoot you." Then he fled south on Manhattan Avenue.
  • While two roommates were working at home on Nov. 21, somebody apparently crept into their Graham Avenue apartment and stole $4,000 worth of electronics. The two residents of the apartment, which is near McKibbin Street, spent all day, between 8:20 am and 5:45 pm, working at home, they told cops. Apparently, the victims — a 24-year-old woman and 26-year-old man — were working so hard that they failed to notice that someone had broken into their apartment and stolen a Toshiba laptop, a Sony Playstation 2, an iPod, an iMac, a digital camera, a mini-disc recorder, and a video iPod.
  • Cops also collared two ruffians who, wielding a razor blade, mugged a 29-year-old man in broad daylight on Nov 22.
  • "Give me your money," demanded the two thugs after approaching their victim at about 10:45 am on Grand Street, between Union Avenue and Lorimer Street.
  • One attacker then pulled out a razor blade, while the other rifled through the victim's pockets, discovering only $28. Cops arrested the muggers one block away, and discovered on them the blade and the money, not to mention a small Ziploc bag of what appeared to be cocaine.

Cocaine! Crime! Mini-disc recorders! It's like the mid-90s all over again!