Is Everyone In New York Popping A Ton Of Pills?

In this weekend's Page Six magazine, we met "Andy," a 30-year-old financial manager who occasionally supplements his Propecia, Ambien, Viagra, and Effexor regimen with a Valium or three when a day is "rougher than usual" and the occasional Oxy to improve his beer buzz. We also encountered Kenny, a 27-year-old graphic designer who loves Concerta, Wellbutrin, Klonopin and grapefruit seed extract, and, most sadly, Sylvia, a 31-year-old lawyer who gets through her days with Prozac, Klonopin and Adderall: "I have a big fear of addiction with [Klonopin], but today was a bad depression day so I took it at work." Holy shit, this makes it seen like people take a ton of prescription drugs! Feeling undermedicated, we immediately started asking everyone we know whether they were on something.

Of twenty-one people, only three turned out to be pill-poppers: one was on Prozac and the other two took Wellbutrin. Everyone else was either miraculously straightedge or lying. A sample of the straightedge/liars' responses:

"No, but [an ex] thinks I should be."

"I am not, maybe I should be?"

"Ha, no, I'm a purist!"

"No happy pills for me, I'm all natural."

"Never tried them."

"Just pot and booze, but I don't think they count."

"Weed is my nonprescription nonlegal antianxiety solution of choice."