You have questions. Author Tionna Tee Smalls has answers. Today: How to cope with being single around the holidays when it seems like everyone else is coupley.


I have a problem and I could really use some help/advice/encouragement/anything. I'm 25, and all my girlfriends have boyfriends. Of course I want my friends to be happy, and I'm glad for them, blah blah blah, but I'm also effing LONELY. Honestly, it just really pisses me off that when they were single we hung out all the time, and now I'm lucky if I get a phone call once a week. I understand that being in a relationship is time consuming and all, but I also think it's really not cool to ditch someone who has been kind to you and supported you for years just because you get a boyfriend. I mean, when I'm dating someone, I always make sure to hang out with my girlfriends because friendship and loyalty are important to me, and it's important to me that my friends know that I care about them. But I guess not everyone feels the same way. And keep in mind that these are the very same bitches that complain when other girls pull this crap. Oh, and to make matters worse, I just found out (from MYSPACE) that they are all going on a "couples only" trip for New Years that I, of course, am not invited to because I don't have a boyfriend and therefore am defective in some way.

The thing is, I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, and I usually don't mind being single, but I'm just feeling lonely and left out lately. And it's not as if I couldn't have a boyfriend. I'm very attractive and successful and fun, and I meet guys all the time. But I don't want to date someone just because all my friends are, I want to wait for someone I really like who's going to treat me well. But in the meantime, it would nice if my friends would hang out with me sometimes. Please don't tell me to just go out and make new friends—I mean, it's really not that easy to make new girlfriends, and for the most part, I really do love the ones that I have. But I just don't know what to do about this situation. I don't want to seem selfish, but this sucks. Please advise.



Dear Katie,

Aww! I could totally relate to this letter in so many ways. No, I am not going to tell you to get new friends, I mean that's not going to solve the problem. But I do think that your friends are totally wrong for ditching you now that they have a man.

I have a famous quote that I like to say which is be good to your friends because when that person leaves out of your life, your friends are still going to be there. I don't know what it is about women but when they get a man, they get stupid and forget everything around them. You are not being selfish by saying that you wish your friends will hang out and answer your phone calls more; you are being real.

I'm not saying that your friends aren't true to you but I don't like the fact that now that they have a man, they only call you once a week. That to me is really trifling.

I like the fact that you added in that you called them on the regular when you had a man in your life. That shows that you practice what you preach, which is a quality I respect. Your friends are being really insensitive to your single status. These chicks going to plan a couples-only trip knowing that you are single. Oh hells no! They really don't know how to act. The least they should do is invite you and try to hook you up with someone. It's the beginning of December, they have enough time.

I know right now it seems like you are left out in the club but believe me you will get over it. I am single and I was in this position before and I went and told my friends exactly how I felt and of course they didn't see where I was coming from and disregarded everything I said. So I decided to act like I was wayyy too busy when they did decide to call. Katie, I know that being single sucks but hey it only sucks because people like you and I refuse to settle. That is something that you can be proud of.

I know right now you are trying to stay strong but your loneliness is getting the best of you. But this period will pass with lots of prayer and support. I just want you to discuss your feelings with your friends, and if they don't understand where you are coming from, keep yourself busy with doing special things for yourself and get closer to other people in your life like your family. I did that and it worked. I hope it all works out for you.


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