20-POUND RATS INVADE JERSEY; "HOW COULD THEY TELL" JOKES BREAK OUT ACROSS NATION

In solidarity with striking T.V. writers, huge 20-pound rats have been spotted in creeks and marshes in New Jersey. Sort of. They're actually nutria, not rats, but they're giant, furry rodents who are apparently very damaging to fragile natural ecosystems like those of the Garden State.


A Fish and Wildlife official spotted one of the dog-sized beasts swimming ominously in the Alloway Creek, possibly looking for some native waterfowl, crabs, and fish to endanger.

The nutria, like most current threats to our nation's security, is a foreign invader from Latin America. Jersey officials promise to trap and kill the creatures before they make it somewhere important, like here. They'd destabilize the fragile ecosystem of our subway stations! Our giant rats have lived in peace with the roaches and homeless people for thousands of years.

On the other hand they're much cuter than descriptions like "20-pound rats" make them sound. It's like an invasion of vicious, edible otters!

INVASION OF THE GIANT RATS [NYP]