Squash: it's a vegetable, a verb, and a gay racket sport. So it's only natural that it's apparently huge in the Ivy Leagues. Which makes it the secret to gaining admittance into those terrible schools, according to last Sunday's Times. Because "a high percentage of the nation's most prestigious colleges field teams," obnoxious parents seeking an edge for their kids are now forcing them to play the elite, expensive game. "'Squash is "hot" right now,' said Kenny Scher, the executive director of the New York-based Metropolitan Squash Racquets Association, which organizes leagues and tournaments." Just like it was seven years ago, the last time the Times wrote this piece.
Valerie Cruice (who has at least three squash stories under her byline) wrote back on May 28, 2000:
PARENTS have long jockeyed to get their children into the top colleges, from sending them to the right prep schools to hiring tutors for the College Boards. In an environment where high grades don't guarantee admission, parents are always looking for an edge. Lately, they have found that edge in the game of squash.
Which is the non-sarcastic, not-blog-tone-inspired version of last weekend's "snarky" "lede":
YOU'VE already enrolled your teenagers in advanced-placement Mandarin, retained a $9,000-a-year college admissions consultant to help refine their applications, and sent them off to Kyrgyzstan to dig irrigation ditches for the summer. Still, there's no guarantee that they'll get into an Ivy League university. What are you going to do?
Like a small but growing number of parents, you might hand the kids squash rackets.
The 2007 story does include the advice to any parents who might be reading to give up on the squash and force their spawn to take up bowling, though, so we'll have to give it the edge.