"If You Are Going To Cheat On Me, At Least Have The Respect Not To Let Me Find Out"

Tionna Tee Smalls is famous for giving good advice, so stop asking your 30something single gay boss to help you sort out your love life and start asking Tionna! This week: is a cheater always a cheater?

Hi Tionna,

I have been with this guy for 3 and half yrs. He is my first real boyfriend he is an athlete at [redacted] college in Brooklyn. I love him but we have been through the worst. He has cheated on me twice that I know about. I have cheated on him once if getting someone's number is cheating. I want to make this relationship work but every time we get into an argument I bring it up (his cheating). I know that you have to go through the worst to make things better so I wanted to know how can I make this relationship work? Thank you for your time, keep on doing what you do. I believe that if you keep on striving for the best you would be the best and you are showing the world that African Americans can become someone more than the stereotypes we are known for. GOD BLESS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Confused College Girl

Dear Confused College Girl,

I think it's sad that your boyfriend is a cheater but as you know, he is an athlete and that is what comes with the territory (as some would like to say). I think it's pretty messed up that he does that but hey, he still has you around to pick up the pieces. I don't want to sound like the typical adult when I say this but hey, who cares: Your guy is too immature to be in a relationship.

Right now he is in college, playing ball, he may love you but his only concern now is just doing him. I understand that you guys have been together for a long time. But face it honey, it's serious to you but it's a joke to him. You are his girl that he has as a backup when he doesn't want to deal with the "groupies." He may love you but he doesn't have this relationship as a priority. You said he has cheated on you twice and those are the times you found out about; so imagine who you don't know about. The sad thing is it's probably not the lust that is making him do these mean things to you—it's the social expectations to be a player-player from the himalaya that is placed on athletes. However, I don't want you to take that as an excuse.

I truly believe that people do what they want to do because they can. Yes, girlfriend, he is cheating on you because he can. If I cheated on you once and you took me back with no problems, why not do it again? That is what he did. Girl, you should have given him some kind of consequence because maybe then he would have known not to get caught up a second time in this predicament.

I don't know what it is about people these days but they just don't know the code. My thing is this, if you are going to cheat on me, at least have the respect to not let me find out. I mean, is that too much to ask for? Damn.

You seem like you believe that you are over him cheating but you know what? You're not. If you were, you wouldn't throw it up in his face in every argument. That's the rule, people: if you say you forgive, don't throw it back up. I say forgive but never forget. I mean if you want this relationship to work you have to stop bringing this up because it isn't going to do anything but make you more mad at him and the madder you get, the more time it's going to take to rectify the problem. I mean, it sounds like you want to work it out but I personally think you should break it off with him and just date because you are too young to be dealing with this guy on this type of emotional level.

Believe me, you are not losing anything because what you like at 18 ain't going to be the same thing you like at 25. So save yourself some time and get rid of his cheating ass now because once a cheater is always a cheater.

Tionna
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