There's no real excuse for not having seen last night's episode of Bravo's Project Runway. But, just in case you haven't seen it, you Tivo-addict, we'll fill this space with words that give nothing away. *sighs* *looks around* Hey! Did you know my favorite poem is this one or that I'm worried that a birthmark on my leg might be cancerous? Ok! SO!

Perhaps it was because I was somewhat (maybe very) inebriated when I watched last night's episode BUT! I think it was the best episode ever. There are a number of reasons for this.

First of all, instead of the hobbledehoyette models, we had a bunch of once-fat middle-aged women who had lost weight! Fat middle-aged women who lost weight! That is something that is touching. They were so proud when they said how much weight they had lost. Heidi made them wear what had been their favorite outfits whilst they were fatties. One was her wedding dress! It was hideous! Now she is skinnier but the dress is still an albino puke pile of lace and beads.

Then there was some sadness because something horrible happened to Jack, the muscled HIV-positive good-looking gay guy. He had a staph infection in his face which made his mouth look funny. It made him also look weirdly plasticky-surgeryish, so maybe it was also an infection caused by collagen? He did mumble something about that.

At any rate, Jack early on went home. Despite his shite taste in men, it was sad to see him go. Also, FYI, he's okay. But!

His departure paved the way for our favorite fat gay man, Chris, to return. He got to work all night on his dress which, as it always does, became an ugly cliché. All his dresses are like costumes. It is a trope he can't escape. Last night, it was, as orange plastic-face designer Michael Kors put it, "Parisian French whore."

Then! That Latino gay Rickie cried! I hate it when he cries. It's worse than Crumpleface Claire Danes. It's worse than seeing your own father cry. It's slightly better than seeing your grandfather cry but not by much. "This is why I got into fashion" he says, crying. I can't wait to see him leave.

But who did leave? Creepy pink mole gay Steven! He reminds us of Sylar from Heroes and never was very good. He was marginally funny. In his defense, he was stuck with that godawful wedding dress. Victorya, the mean Asian woman, helped him, proving she's not so mean. She just hates Rickie. Like I do. We'd have so much to talk about! (I just put my hand to my ear with the pinky and thumb extended and mouthed the words "Call me.")

Also, we were happy there was hardly any mention of Bluefly.com, which just cheapens the show, AND we were excited when Tim Gunn talked about all the "bad decisions he made at 3 a.m." He wouldn't elaborate because he is old and a gentleman but hopefully it involved André and Red Lobster. Oh, sigh. Santino-nostalgia.

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