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Post profesh dater Mandy Stadtmiller jumps on the Paul Janka bandwagon in her column today. Janka is the much chronicled asshole who sleeps with many women and also codifies the ways in which he seduces them. His method includes discouraging ingestion of solid foods while simultaneously promoting the ingestion of alcoholic beverages. He also keeps an Excel spreadsheet of women he has slept with. An X means that they let him have sex in the Roman fashion. (Thanks Em for help finding a classy way to say anal sex! I'll miss you!) But what is Janka's secret?

"I'll put on 'Looney Tunes,' and it sounds kind of creepy, and it is creepy, but it's funny, too, and the girls hear the music, doo-doo-doo-doo. And I say, 'You have to come to my bed to watch it,' and I say, 'No street clothes in bed.' "

Blarg! All these years I've been banking on Planet Earth and roofies!

Related Is anyone here a betting man because I bet if we get a hold of that spreadsheet, we'll find Emily and Michelle and probably Douglas too!