It is with a heavy heart that we note Kid Nation, the bold experiment in utopia-building bravely undertaken by the finest societal engineers the world of network television has ever seen, ended in tragedy, heartache and utter failure. On last night's season finale, host Jonathan Karsh—whom, we feel obligated to point out, we always believed to be a minion of Satan himself sent to tempt the children with community-eroding worldly pleasures—cackled as the town's Job Board, the monument codifying the ever-shifting caste system that kept CBS Bonanza City from descending into total chaos, was consumed in flames, declaring—please brace yourselves—that there would be no more laws.
In what will become known as the Great Candy Riot of 2007, the town's citizens, liberated from the powerful fear of reprisal that kept them from indulging their every antisocial desire, descended upon Bonaza City's confectionary, swallowing every gobstopper, licorice whip, and Sour Patch Kid their rapidly distending bellies could handle while the slow-witted, not realizing currency was now completely useless, wasted valuable time looting buffalo nickels from the store's till. And in the most grisly turn of events, pageant queen Taylor—long a divisive force in the community—was dipped in molten fudge and devoured by the now-former members of the Town Council, their delicious revenge for her incurable indolence. It was this surprisingly unsatisfying, long-promised scene of cannibalism that served as the series' coda; the freeze-frame of the eerily charismatic Michael's chocolate-smeared face, upon which the epitaph "RIP Bonanza City: September 19-December 12, 2007" briefly flickered, will haunt us forever.
Or, we hope, until a new Nation rises again next year.
- Kid Nation [CBS.com]
- Previously: The 'Kid Nation' Finally Starts Addressing Its Taylor Problem [Defamer]