The Nine Most Ambivalence-Inspiring Things Of 2007S

2007: a year of "meh." It was like being drawn and quartered by one team of horses galloping towards terrible and another racing toward excellence and come December, we hadn't moved an inch from where we were last January. Yesterday we talked about things we unreservedly endorsed as good: ironic greeting cards, Elizabeth Bishop, Tionna. But what about those things that straddle the ledger line between goodness and badness?

  • Leonard Lopate: The bearded and bespectacled WNYC host that comes on after Brian Lehrer is in so many ways a pretentious tool and then sometimes coughs on air for multiple minutes hilariously and insults Californians in a segment about Ugliness. Also, his staff is very attractive.
  • Emily and Michelle: In many important ways these women in Astoria embody a fantastic sort of Truffautian carefree flippancy. The girls don't take themselves too seriously. They like to party. They have a thing for an Asian man named Douglas. They are definitely fun. But also they are kind of crazy and unhinged in a way that seems destructive to themselves and their Zwack-loving black roommate. And maybe to us!
  • Boots and Jean combinations: So I wear tight APC jeans and boots and I like how it looks when I tuck the former into the latter. Someone informed me that that is a gay look but I like it and furthermore, if you don't do that it looks like you have cankles.
  • Access Mayor: At midnight on weekdays on NYC TV, there's this show of Mayor Bloomberg giving speeches at openings. It is so boring and yet, I even TiVo it. He is so charming in a dorky way and is the best argument for Jews, oligarchs and an independent candidacy since Ross Perot.
  • Norwood: I want to join but I don't want to want to join this member's club on W. 14th street. Also I don't want to spend $2,005 to go to a place where you still have to pay for drinks.
  • Facebook: When our boss made us all join Facebook, I was unhappy. But through it I found out that this girl who I was in love with since third grade lives around the corner from me! We're meeting for drinks next week. But then also this kid, let's call him, Aaron Rosenberg who I also went to high school with and didn't like asked to be my friend and I said no because I thought, "Ew, like I wasn't his friend then and I'm not going to be now." That's just silly and petty.
  • Emily Gould.
  • Claire Danes: She's still beautiful but her crumple face crying, her somewhat shitty accent, and her involvement with Hugh Dancy has all somewhat taken the luster off our love. I'd say I still love her but I'm not in love with her.
  • Cleaning Ladies: I have one. Her name is Pham. She's great. Right now she is in Shanghai visiting family. So we pay her $15/hour but always just give her $50 no matter how long she is there. Also, what the fuck am I doing with a cleaning lady? It's insane. I'm ashamed and yet am deeply grateful I don't have to clean the bathroom. (Subnote: also ambivalent about my roommate because he clogs the drain with his hair but he is also the best kid I know). Mostly I think I like Pham because it's nice to have a nag. It reminds me of my mom.